Y’know when you say you’re okay but you’re sad and barely holding it together then someone hugs you and all hell and tears break loose? That’s the kinda hug I need right now.
i was a mess and i feel
like a mess again
Today I had a teacher tell me that a family member of theirs attempted suicide with pills.
I asked why he didn’t seem more concerned, and he replied with “people who attempt overdose are just attention seeking.”
Tell that to my grandma while she had to shower me for a month because I couldn’t stand after my overdose.
Tell that to my younger cousin who didn’t understand why I slept for three days straight.
Tell that to my bestfriend who saw me cry in every moment I was awake for two weeks after I swallowed those little pieces of hell.
Tell that to my brother who watched me vomit up everything I ate because my stomach was on fire.
Tell that to my teachers who watched me fail my exams because I was so dizzy and out of it I couldn’t stand, let alone concentrate.
Tell that to my mum, who watched me violently shake, sweat, convulse and cry in her arms because I didn’t want to be alive.
Go on, tell them it’s attention seeking. I dare you.
well well well. if it isn’t my old friend, the dawning realization that i fucked up real bad
I am pretty,
I nod and smile
With hatred scratching
Sometimes, I stick
My eyeballs to the floor
And say, “thank you.”
I have realized when my soul
Is in between an abundance
Of souls I am not myself.
They do not see me when
My soul is desolate in between
Four walls. When I am not pretty.
I do not want them
To see me they’ll run and run,
Till my presence is miles away.
I need someone to hold me
and hug my heart tenderly with love.
I just feel lonely sometimes
and everything taste bittersweet.
I’m stuck in a battle between
wanting someone by my side
and wanting to cave into isolation.